How vulnerable is too vulnerable?

Considering my last two blog titles have been in the form of questions I guess you could say I’ve been asking a lot of questions lately. I tend to be a ‘question asker’ by nature. It helps me learn and process. If you’ve ever met me you can probably confirm that I like to ask questions. Hopefully it’s a good thing more than it is an annoying thing.

I’ve been in a season lately in which I feel a little extra vulnerable. A little more broken than usual. I mean we’re all broken right? But some days the ‘broken meter’ seems to be higher than others. And when the broken meter is high, I struggle with this question… How vulnerable should I be? How much should I share? How much CAN I share without turning into a complainer?

Here’s one conclusion I’ve come to recently… I don’t think we (as Christians) do a very good job at allowing each other to be vulnerable. Why? Because we don’t ask. We don’t dig. We only ask the easy questions. We just assume that everything is all good. At least sometimes I do. Can you relate?

 

When was the last time you asked a friend how their weight loss journey was going?

When was the last time you asked a friend how their marriage was going?

When was the last time you asked a friend in a dating relationship how they were handling the “physical stuff”?

When was the last time you asked a friend what they’re passionate about? What keeps them up at night?

When was the last time you asked a friend who just adopted how they were feeling?

I know these are hard questions to ask (and maybe even to answer) but if we want the people in our lives to be vulnerable with us, and us with them, then we have to ASK. And if you find the courage to ask, brace yourself. Because the friend who you thought had a perfect marriage, probably doesn’t. And the family you thought had it all together, well, they’re probably a mess. And the friend who struggles with food addiction, well she’s probably just waiting for someone to believe she can do it.

In my life I’ve only had a small handful of friends who’ve asked me the hard questions. Two of them are Greg and Caroline TeSelle. I’m thankful that they didn’t choose comfort over conviction. And I’m a better person today because of it.

May we be the kind of friends who ask the hard questions not because we’re nosey but because we care. 

How well do I listen?

This morning I was driving with Cooper to go meet a friend. I was on a two-lane road, in between towns, and there wasn’t much to see for miles. Until I saw a man. I saw him from behind, he was walking on the side of the road in a grey sweat-suit and carrying a book-bag on his back. I would’ve guessed he was in his early twenties. My mind immediately started racing with questions… “Where is he going?”"Why is he walking on a road with no sidewalks?” “It’s like 25 degrees out, why isn’t he wearing anything more than a sweatshirt?” “Should I stop and offer him a ride?”.

I was so confused and partially concerned as to why this young man was walking on this long road with no civilization in sight, and in 25 degree weather for that matter. The only thing I could think of was that maybe he was walking to the YMCA but that was still a good five or six miles down the road. I did not immediately stop but as I kept driving I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I felt something in my heart whispering “Go pick him up”. I argued back. I had my two year old in the car with me. I’m a woman, and a small one at that. I’m on my way to meet a friend and if I turn around I’m going to be late, and I hate being late. This “conversation” went on for a few minutes.

I’m not sure if it was God’s whisper or just something in my own head but the prompting wasn’t going away and I felt like if it was after all, the voice of the Holy Spirit, then I’d better listen. So now that I was closer to my destination than I was further away, I turned around and drove back towards where I saw the young man walking to see if I could give him a ride.

(For all of you who just went into freak out mode…just keep reading. And listen, when you’ve lived in the hood of New York City, you’re just not scared of people. Not trying to brag, it’s just reality. And yes, I would do anything to protect my son. And no, most people are not killers. That’s all.)

As soon as I turned around the anxiety over the decision was gone. I just needed to do it. I needed to obey. I drove for a few miles and I didn’t see the man. In fact, I never saw the man again. Ugh. Now I was a little frustrated. I just wasted 10 minutes of time and gas for what? I hope the man ended up someplace warm.

As I turned around AGAIN to head back towards where I was meeting my friend I felt God say,

“Courtney, sometimes I just need to see if you’ll listen.” Ouch.

When it comes to my relationship with God, I’m not always the best listener. Sometimes I pretend like I don’t hear Him. And sometimes, honestly, I hear Him and then I say no. Because I’m afraid. Or because I feel like He’s asking too much of me. Or because I’m selfish and I just don’t want to.

I may have had a mini Abraham and Isaac experience today. And by mini I really do mean TINY. I’m not sure it was ever about giving the man a ride… I think God just wanted to see if I would listen and obey.

May we be great listeners to the one who loves us the most.

How well do you listen?

You’re blessed when…

blessed

I read Matthew 5 in The Message version today and it penetrated my heart. Timely words I needed to hear. Hope you don’t mind if I share it with you.

{v. 3-10}

“You’re blessed when you’re at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.”

You’re blessed when you feel you’ve lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the ONE most dear to you.

You’re blessed when you’re content with just who you are – no more, no less. That’s the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can’t be bought.

You’re blessed when you’ve worked up a good appetite for God. He’s food and drink in the best meal you’ll ever eat.

You’re blessed when you care. At the moment of being “care-full” you find yourselves being cared for.

You’re blessed when you get your inside world – your heart and your mind – put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.

You’re blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That’s when you discover who you really are, and your place in God’s family.

You’re blessed when your commitment to God provokes persecution. The persecution drives you even deeper into God’s kingdom.”

Amen.

Our first give-away!!

I’ve been selling Live With Less tees for about five months now and I think it’s about time to do a give-away!

If you’d like to win one of these super cool t-shirts there are multiple ways to enter below. If you already own a tee, don’t worry, you can still enter to win a ‘back-up’ or win one for a friend!

Over the last five months I’ve been blown away at how many people (some I’ve never even met in person) have supported, encouraged, and cheered on this little endeavor of mine. So this give-away is just one small way I can say THANK YOU to all of those people.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

To Philly…

 

Tomorrow I’m headed to Philly! My friend Kristen and I are driving out east to attend The Justice Conference.

“The Justice Conference is a two-day annual event to promote dialouge around around justice related issues such as human trafficking, slavery, poverty, HIV/AIDS and human rights, feauturing internationally acclaimed speakers, hundreds of humanitarian organizations and dozen of pre-conference workshops.” (Taken from the JC website)

I am incredibly excited to hear and learn from some people who are making a huge impact when it comes to the issues of social justice both locally and globally. I am especially looking forward to hearing from Lynne HybelsLindsey Nobles, and Shane Claiborne

I am also excited to say that I will be participating in a Poetry Slam (hosted by Relevant Magazine) as a part of the pre-conference on Friday night. I submitted a spoken word video a few weeks ago and was chosen to be one of fifteen people to compete in the poetry slam. The winner will get to perform in front of the entire conference (5,000 people) at the final main session on Saturday. I’m pretty sure I won’t win but in the chance that I did, I would probably have to forfeit my crown due to a foreseeable fainting incident. For real, I think I’d have a serious panic attack if I actually won. Haha! I am really looking forward to meeting some other artists and soaking in a lot of great pieces that will be shared. The two judges will be Micah Bournes and Jefferson Bethke. Geez, no pressure there. 

Can’t wait to give you all a re-cap of our weekend when I get back! 

It’s more than just a t-shirt… How I’m living with less.

The words ‘Live With Less’ for me, are not just about a t-shirt. If you’ve followed my blog even just for a few months you’ve probably heard me talk about the ‘Live With Less’ t-shirts I’ve been selling since September. The t-shirt, in my mind, has two goals. To raise money for clean water for people in Africa who don’t have access to it. I don’t want to just live with less stuff, I want to give more. The second goal is to encourage and inspire others to ‘live with less’ on a daily basis. The t-shirt project has been so fun for me. Starting a project like this brings inspiration, opportunities, and even new friendships. But I’m not just the “seller”, I’m also a participant. It’d be kind of silly if I were seeking to inspire others to ‘live with less’ but I weren’t actually doing it myself. I’m still growing in this area and I am by no means the expert. But I’m trying and I’m making progress and that’s what matters right? Progress? And by the way, this whole ‘Live With Less’ is not meant to be intimidating. I’m not expecting people to get rid of 90% of their possessions and move into a studio apartment and live off the land and only rely on a bicycle as their main mode of transportation. If that happens to be the way you live then GO YOU! But for most of us it’s not. My hope for you (which is the same hope I have for myself) is that you can identify a few areas of excess in your life and figure out how you can take the control back. Jen Hatmaker wrote an incredible book called “7″ that takes a much deeper look into riding your life of excess. If this idea intrigues you, you should read it.

 So here’s what I’m currently doing to ‘live with less’….

  • I’ve cut my wardrobe down to about 35 items. This doesn’t include pajamas, socks, underwear, coats, or shoes. Everything else I’ve cut down significantly and I’m trying to be content with that amount. It’s hard because I like clothes and I like a variety. Sometimes I feel inspired when I really like the outfit I’m wearing and even though that’s not necessarily a bad thing, it’s not where my worth or security should come from. And as a side note, a lot of times if there’s something I want… I’ll try to sell something I already have and then buy that new thing. I wrote more about that practice a while back which you can read about here. It’s a good one:)
  • I don’t buy stuff for my house. Like decorative stuff. I use to make weekly trips to Goodwill or Home Goods to buy something to fill a space on a wall or in a room. Even if it was a steal in terms of price I would usually end up feeling guilty because I knew I didn’t need it. There are plenty of improvements I would love to make in my home but for me, once I start, it quickly gets out of control in my mind and in my heart. I wrote more about this here a while back.
  • The latest experiment I’m doing involves credit cards. Justin and I have a few credit cards we use. We pay them off at the end of every month and we use them mainly for the reward points. A lot of cards give you cash back or money for gasoline. It’s worth it to us to use our credit cards for as much as we can in order to rack up as many points as we can. But here’s the catch… statistics say people tend to spend 12%-18% more when paying with a credit card versus paying with cash. My husband and I are currently going through Financial Peace University with Dave Ramsey and we’ve quickly come to the conclusion that I am the spender and he is the saver. Duh. This was not a surprise. It’s not a problem for him to overspend when using a credit card but for me, it can be. So for the next 40 days (the Lent season) I removed all the credit cards from my wallet and I will only be using cash. I know this will be a challenge because I’m so used to just whipping out the credit card but the GOAL is that I will spend less. We’ll see how it goes:)

I know these are just beginner areas in which some of you are probably way ahead of me. I’d love to hear some of the ways you ‘Live With Less’. Got any?

 **If you’d like to purchase a LWL tee to help you be reminded to live with less… just click the Live With Less SHOP tab at the top of this page.

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